Your Healthy Social Life: Social Drinking

After last week’s post about social eating and your health, today’s topic feels like a pretty natural segue: social DRINKING. 

So many of you told me that booze and social drinking are disrupting your health. And when I probed a bit further, asking what it is about drinking that causes it to be so problematic, I found that most of you fall into one of two camps:

a) You enjoy drinking socially, but you feel like it’s getting in the way of your health goals.

b) You don’t even really like drinking all that much, but it’s the status quo of your circle.

These are clearly two distinct struggles, and I’ll be offering some tips, solutions, strategies, and thought work for both. Got it? Good.

I enjoy drinking but it’s getting in the way.

So if you’re in this camp and you were one of my clients, I’d start by getting really clear on what the problem is here. And I’d do that by asking you about one hundred questions, give or take a few. For example:

• What do you mean it’s getting in the way?
• What do you do that you wish you wouldn’t do as a result of drinking?
• What do you not do that you wish you would do as a result of drinking
• Why?

• Would drinking less per occasion be helpful here? Have you tried that before?
• If so, how did it go?
• What worked or didn’t work?
• If not, why not?

• Would drinking less frequently be helpful here?
• Have you tried that before?
• If so, how did it go?
• What worked or didn’t work?
• If not, why not?

• What do you like about alcohol?
• What do you not like about alcohol?

As a result of these questions, you’d probably want to reach through the computer screen and punch me in the face. (I know, I know… Answering questions can feel frustrating when you just want to be handed the answer, but that’s not how this work works!) But after THAT feeling subsides, you might realize that you fall in the second camp. In which case, please proceed!

Or you might be thinking, “Ok, Claire. Now that I’m SUPER CLEAR LIKE YOU WANTED ME TO BE… Can you just give me some freaking strategies so I can have my champagne and drink it too?!”

Of course! I thought you’d never ask! 😉

• You’ve probably already heard that you should be alternating each alcoholic beverage with a glass water. If you do that, awesome. Most people don’t. But here’s one that you might actually do: Have a fancy cocktail if that’s your thing, but then move to something simple like a tequila soda. You’ll save a bunch of money and the sugar hangover, which often compounds the icky feelings brought on by the booze.
• Set an intention! Similar to what I had you do last week, think about how you want to feel during and after (as in the next day) and work backwards to figure out how many drinks that translates to. Then drink that many drinks and no more.
• Seek out accountability. This can take many forms, and you’ll probably know by the end of this paragraph which one will actually work for you. You can tell your friend you’re meeting up with that you only intend do have two drinks. (Ideally, your friend will be super supportive and might even feel the same way!) You can schedule an early morning workout, meeting, call, work session, whatever, for the next day. Set an alarm in your phone reminding you how many drinks you intend to have, or what time you need to head home to secure enough sleep. 

I drink, but I don’t even WANT to!

Don’t worry, girl. I’m not about to leave you out of this game of 21 questions.

• What do you not like about alcohol?
• Is there anything you do like about it?

• What would be the upside of giving up alcohol?
• What would be the downside of giving up alcohol?
• How does the idea of “giving it up” make you feel?
• What about drinking less (volume or frequency)?

• Have you ever shared this feeling with your community?
• How did that go?
• If not, why not?

• Have you ever tried to say no to alcohol during a booze-centric occasion? How did that go?
• If not, why not?

• Have you ever tried to initiate social outings that don’t involve booze?
• How did that go?
• If not, why not?

Through these questions and more, we can start to understand why you’re choosing to do something you don’t even really want to be doing.

Maybe your friends playfully pressure you to drink, and you don’t feel confident enough in yourself or comfortable enough with them to stand up for yourself.

Maybe you’re scared to say “no” to alcohol because it would make you feel like a burden to whoever’s offering it.

Maybe you’re worried that your friends won’t like you if you don’t drink with them, and you’re scared you won’t be able to find new friends if that’s what it came down to.

This work is rooted in self-worth. It starts with awareness— getting to the root cause— before we can move on to acceptance and growth. And since you’ve probably spent years living in this space, it’s going to take time to grow out of it. So while all that smushy mindset stuff starts to set in, let’s talk strategy!

• Politely pass up the first drink and see what happens. This was a tip I got from another coach and our clients have found it to be super effective, especially if you’ve got nerves around being “the sober person.” This allows you to go into an event with an open mind as to whether or not you’re going to drink, giving you time to feel it out and make a decision. In many cases, you’ll get so wrapped up in conversation that you won’t notice you’re not drinking and neither will anyone else.
• Find a new social hub that exists outside of the bar scene. Want to drink less? Cool, stop going to bars every weekend! Go on a hike, visit a farmers market or craft fair, stop by your favorite local coffee shop or boutique, invite a friend over to your home. There are so many spaces and places to hang!
• Scour your circle for an ally. I would imagine there’s probably someone in there who’s feeling similarly to you. If someone doesn’t immediately come to mind, start the conversation playfully: “I don’t know if I’m just getting old but whenever I drink, I feel like I need a weekend after my weekend! Do you ever get like that?” See what comes from that conversation! If your friend is feeling the same thing, that’s the perfect time to suggest a non-boozy alternative!

Whew! I know that was a lot to take in, y’all. And if you’ve feel like you’ve got some soul-searching to do, I feel ya. That’s why I’ve put these questions into a handy little worksheet for you to download!

Click here to do the real work!

Leave a comment below and let me know how it goes!